Per Rich...

I made a last minute (more like second) trip to the North Pole. (AKA butt-cold Calgary) and it all started Tuesday night. A visual on the target:

Please Note: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES AM I TO BE ANYBODY'S EMERGENCY CONTACT, ONLY PHONE CALL OR FIRST RESPONDER...EVER. PLEASE NOTIFY ME OF EMERGENCIES ONCE THEY ARE COMPLETE, AND NOT A SECOND SOONER.

Sister Erika hurt her back on monday picking up her Connor (seriously read about him). For some reason it seemed like a good idea to muscle through the day, so she did. (first mistake). The next morning she woke up numb, and in unbearable pain. After using the washroom (a ridiculous name for the bathroom), she passed out. Fell off the toilet- out cold, stops breathing and eyes relocate some place in the back of her skull. Minutes later ambulance arrives to take her to the hospital. She is now breathing-ish again and they test her heart where they discover she'd had a heart attack.

Meanwhile- Troops in the land of the free are mobilized

Although this happened at about 7 in the morning, per my above request i wasn't notified until approximately 3 PM. Richard, bless his heart, is the most feclempt he's been since the last Cal-Ranch expansion. He calls me Tuesday night to see if there was anyway I could go to Canada the next day if need be. I agree to said trip.

Meanwhile- in the land above the 49th

Doctors transfer Erika to the high trauma intensive care unit in Calgary for more tests. While they claim it to be the best in the Country it resembles a good day on M*A*S*H. She stays through the night, where even after told not to, her nurse gives her morphine. Erika is allergic to life, so obviously the morphine made her sick.

Meanwhile- in the archipelago of Asia

The Byram's- (whom I will see in T-72 hours) request their passports from headquarters in Manilla (I'm not sure if that is standard procedure or if the authorities are worried they are a flight risk being as Manilla is hours away) and look into flights to the Western Family United States...Canada.

Back to the land of the Brave

Rich calls me- at work and asks if I can be on the 2PM flight to Calg. It's after 11, so I con Caitlyn into shuttling me to SLC International, via the homestead to get my passport and 2 changes of unmentionables. (seriously that's all I brought with me). I find out that the 2PM is all booked, but the Delta rep tells me to go to the airport to see if I can snag a seat anyway. (he was extremely helpful) Get to the counter to buy a ticket, only to be told again sorry the flight is full...bla. (this guy was less helpful) I then get a flight to Denver- then Calgary. Board the flight, 20 minutes pass and we are de-planed per maintenance. The Delta agent then tells me my best bet is to go get on the curtsey Delta Phone and talk to an agent. I do. She is lame, and after minutes of banter (I was totally rude, and not that sorry - I have no time for idiots) Finally I figure out which gate the 2PM flight is leaving from and sprint literally to that gate- which is on the complete opposite side of the airport. I'm sweaty, stinky and about to lose it but manage to fanagle a seat on the 2 PM.

I am greeted (initially by a lovely Indian cab driver) and then by this:

Luckily the next day we would find out that the initial testing was a false negative, and she didn't have a heart attack. However, there is no explanation as to why her heart and lungs went into failure. She is left with a hurniated disk, and an osteophyte between her T12 and L1 Vertebrae. After another night and day in the hospital she is released.

Things this trip has taught me

#1. Erika's roomate Earl (82, wants to quit smoking) totally hated her. Mostly because she was creepy and asked way too many questions.

#2. Canadian Hospitals remind me of the Blackfoot Fair

#3. Even in the excruciating pain Erika still managed to ask me to bring her Anne Taylor order that she had shipped to me- her priorities are always in check.

#4. Sharing a bathroom with dimentia patients provides countless hours of comic relief (specifically when she looked at a neigboring patients pre-flushed toiled and replied- "looks like you had a great breakfast)

#5. The average age on the Cardiology floor was 87 before Erika brought it down into the 50's (she looked like an intern compared to her roomates)

#6. If I'm ever homeless in Canada I will go stay at a hospital (they have snacks for everyone on the floor)

#7. You really don't have to pay for anything in a hospital in the Canada- it felt like we were stealing when we left.

#8. Even though Andrea would prefer to be in charge, we all listen to Rich most in a crisis (he gets the purple heart in all this)

#9. Erika has the highest pain tolerence in the country

#10. Although we've learned to be orphans, we can't live with out our Door Mat- love you E!